Has Oliver James misinterpreted Gina Ford's advice?
23 May 2010
Oliver James is a well-respected psychologist and I am sure that his forthcoming book, "How Not to F*** Them Up" will be as successful as his previous books. I agree with his views that parenting in the early years makes us what we are and I agree that bad parenting could lead to lifelong insecurity, bad relationships, depression etc. However, I really do take issue with Oliver James criticising Gina Ford's methods where he is quoted as saying "The organiser is the kind of mother to adopt Gina Ford, to want the baby to adapt to her; the hugger is totally baby-focused to the exclusion of others and the flexi- mum is a combination of the two”. I don't know whether these are Oliver James's exact words or whether he has been misquoted but I think this statement misrepresents the whole concept of Gina Ford. Far from a Gina Ford mother wanting (and forcing) the baby to adapt to her, a Gina Ford mother is taught that she must put her baby's needs before her own and adjust her lifestyle to fit in with the requirements of a new baby. Gina Ford explains that babies (like toddlers) are generally more secure, contented and relaxed when all their needs are met at the correct time, so they do not have to cry to attract attention. I am in full agreement with her on this. I regularly see mothers who are at their wits end because their baby won't stop crying unless they spend all day and night feeding and cuddling them. Both mother and baby are sleep deprived and neither is happy. These mothers are doing their best but have no idea what a baby is meant to do and most of these mothers simply can't work out why their baby is crying and not settling. Once we have sorted out the feeding and sleeping problems, the baby naturally gets into a better routine and everyone is happier. This is usually achieved by giving the baby more milk and making sure the baby is put down to sleep before he becomes over-tired - it does not involve ignoring the baby and leaving him to cry for hours on end. This is not what Gina Ford recommends mothers to do either. I think it is a great shame that so many people think/say that Gina Ford does not have the baby's interests at heart, when this could not be further from the truth. I am not saying that all babies can and should follow a strict routine, nor am I saying that every mother should follow a Gina Ford routine - but there is no doubt in my mind that many mothers need more (not less) guidance on how to meet their baby's needs. Currently, most mothers are discharged home from hospital with their brand-new baby with the simplistic advice to "feed on demand and trust your motherly instincts". This is fine if the baby naturally feeds and settles well but is a recipe for disaster when things go wrong. So, whilst agreeing with many of Oliver James's views, I would point out that many, many mothers (my own niece being one of them) have found their baby to be more, not less secure when put onto some kind of a routine. Ultimately, the important thing is to do what works best for you and your baby and not to condemn others who choose to go down a different route – providing that route really is in the best interests of the baby.